The other day I told Jesus, "I want to be like Mary, Mother of Jesus, who did not question or fear when you came to her and told her that she would birth and raise The Messiah."
His reply: "Lauren, she never sought to understand."
*Lauren cringes and smiles*
I want to and will dive deeper into your mystery. Lord. Wow, how complex I make everything and how I want to figure out and understand the details of everything and everyone. Yes, this is a strength that God has birthed in me, yet can be used for destruction if left untamed and for Lauren's strength to lead. HA!
For example, every time I watch a movie or go to the theater, throughout the entire production, I am not merely watching the plot play out (like most), I instead wonder who is behind the scenes, how they decorated the scene, who they really are, how long it took to write and direct that specific encounter, etc. The result: (besides letting my brain's obsessions cause exhaustion) I missed the purpose of the whole creative production, and instead chose to dissect something that was never made or able to be dissect-able!
"Lauren, there is a difference between seeking my heart and trying to 'figure me out'."
It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter. -Proverbs 25:2
Conclusion? I will learn from Mary, the Mother of Jesus, who chose not to fall into the trap of wonderings but chose TRUSTING THAT HE KNOWS BEST instead of constantly questioning His plans. Instead, she SOUGHT out the GLORY of God and left "the figuring out" to the Lord alone. Because the reality is: God doesn't make sense most of the time. He is not always a "practical God", because (like we would hope-because that is usually safer! Danng it.) Did Mary, still a virgin and pregnant, make sense to the world at all? People judged her and thought she was a complete liar and hypocrite. Yet, she sought and trusted the heart of her God even though everything in the physical realm made absolute nonsense.
Practically: I will leave movie or people or God critiquing once and for all. I will leave the "trying to figure God and His plans" out! Instead, I will CLING to the Cross, where His blood drips over me, cleansing me from all unrighteousness, allowing me to THRIVE in His mystery. I will pray and live with a listening heart. God has mysteries waiting to be revealed every morning. He loves to play hide and seek with us! It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter. -Proverbs 25:2
